It was a simple enough question that Jan asked.
“September 2013” was the answer.
If I had been quick enough, I would have turned it into a Jeopardy skit:
Jan: “I’ll take Amazing Milestones for $400”.
Me: “The answer: ‘September 2013’”
Jan: “When did Ben start university?”
When Ben was in high school, I remember being asked repeatedly what I thought Ben would be doing once he finished. At the time, I didn’t have a good answer. The options were few.
The fact that he doesn’t walk or talk on his own, and needs a full time assistant, meant getting a job was out of the question.
On the other hand, sitting at home and doing nothing was also a non-starter.
The only possibility that made sense was for Ben to stay in school and continue to learn. It’s what he enjoyed doing. So we looked at community college and university programmes.
That, also, was a non-starter since he didn’t have the academic...
You’d think after 26 years of living with this stuff I would have found a way for it not to bother me. But it still takes me off my game every now and then.
I guess it’s the psychological damage that comes with discovering that your child, or loved one (or yourself) has a disability or serious health condition.
And the energy it takes to live in a world where you have to fight for everything.
And the worry and uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring.
For me, it’s the unforgettable “he may never walk, talk or go to school”, knife-through-the-heart statement, and everything that goes with it.
Even though none of those things really came true for Ben.
Even though he is just one exam away from graduating … from university!
With 100% certainty, I can tell you that the cure for this funk is to shift focus from what’s lacking (because we will ALWAYS lack something) to what IS.
It's not easy to do. Sometimes you want to wallow in self-pity. But...