As a battle-hardened parent, I've been shown a lot over the last 25 years, often more than I want. Actually, it's really my son, Ben, who has shown me a lot.
He has been on a roll of great days. Nearly 10 straight weeks without a seizure. In our world, a day without a seizure is what we call a great day.
No one can explain why he’s been seizure-free during these last two+ months. A lot of assumptions and maybes are made to try to explain it. No one can predict what tomorrow will bring, either. But 10 weeks … we’ll take it!
There is a strange symbiosis between Ben’s demeanour and mine. When he is happy, I am happy. When he smiles, I can smile all day long. In reality, I can’t smile without him. Even the smallest of grins is contagious.
With this many great days under his belt, I sense a bump in his confidence, too. Before Christmas, he had his final exam that was worth 35% of his final mark. It was going to be tough—a Canadian history course with lots of dates, events and people to remember.
I could feel some tentativeness in his mood and body position in the days leading up to it. No different than any one of us preparing for a final exam. The anxiety this brings can too easily progress to a seizure for Ben, which has happened many times in the past.
But this time seemed different. He was tense but his eyes had a positive look to them, almost telling me he would be able to control his emotions.
He was right. No seizures. No strange behaviour and he slept well each night.
I guess the same is true for me. Whenever I see his confidence, I feel more confident.
I feel I can do more.
Take chances again.
A momentary sense of relief and freedom washes over me. And I even begin to think I might have some control over my life.
All of these great days become a positive feedback loop, too. He’s happy, we’re happy. He’s happy that we’re happy … you get the picture.
It’s clear to me that we’re all connected in spirit. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
Even though this string of great days could end at any time, I’ve learned to “store” this positive energy so it can be used to cope with the “bad” ones when they rear their ugly heads.
Most importantly, though, Ben has shown me that these great days are the real gifts in my life. I try my best not to squander them.
Another life lesson.
10 weeks is a long time but, honestly, 10 years would be truly great!
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-- Mike --